Save Me From Myself
by SpazzyTink
Summary: After the shooting, Emma's stuck on a downward spiral and Snake's cancer is back. Will her friends be able to save her? JTEmma On Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfiction here. I've also posted it on Hopefully you like it.

------------

Emma was tired. She was tired of her parents and their over concern. She was tired of school and the looks people gave her. Most of all, she was tired of everything being so hard.

In the morning, it was so hard to get up. It was just so hard to get motivated. School didn't seem to matter that much. Sometimes she forgot to eat. She knew that was why she had gone from a size 7 to a size 3. She knew she was losing too much weight, but she couldn't find the will to make herself eat. Getting sleep was one of the hardest things she did. In her dreams all she ever saw was the gun. Most of the time, Sean didn't make it in time. She usually died.

They say that when you die in your dreams, you die for real. In some of her darker moments, Emma wished that was true. Because then she wouldn't be here. She could be free. She could be happy. She wouldn't have to worry about how Snake's cancer was back. She wouldn't be stuck in the constant darkness.

Her only bright spots were her friends. There are only three of them now that Sean is gone. They keep her grounded, and she is happy when they are all together.

Emma had befriended Paige when the "Queen Bee" had offered. It had been great. They were now the very best of friends. Somehow Emma knew she could trust Paige and it showed in the differences between their friendship and Emma's friendship with Manny. Right now, Emma didn't care what Manny was up to. She hadn't even talked to her in three weeks.

Craig was one of her other friends. After the shooting, Craig had been one of the first to notice her withdrawal. Understandably, he'd been concerned. Now he was her big brother. He was there when Snake's test results had come back positive. He had held her as she cried.

Her biggest saving grace, however, came in the form of one James Tiberius Yorke. He was her oldest friend and her confidante. He is the only one guaranteed to put a smile on her face. JT is her best friend and the most important of the three people that keep her holding on. One of three people that watch helpless as their friend continues to slowly slip away.

--------------

R&R


	2. Chapter 2

I've posted this on the n dot com. Here's the next chapter. Just so you know, I haven't had very reliable access to watching the N for very long, so some things I make up to fill in holes that I don't know what happened. Or that I haven't heard second hand what happened.  
------------

JT was on his way to school on his skateboard, of course. He spotted Emma walking up ahead. As he neared her, he slowed down and hopped off.

"Hey, Em." Emma turned. JT stepped forward and hugged her. She was shivering. He looked at her again. She was wearing a pink t-shirt, jeans, and Converse All-Stars. "You're shaking. Here, have my sweatshirt." JT removed his Degrassi Schools hoodie, leaving him in jeans and a t-shirt. He quickly handed the sweatshirt to her.

Emma smiled and thanked him, putting it on immediately. "Not a problem, Emma. I don't think it's cold right now anyway." He really didn't. He wasn't just saying that.

The two made small talk as they went to school. JT knew today was going to be a bad day for Emma. Not that most days were good really. Just that this one was going to stand out from the others because of it being worse. He found it funny (in a weird way) that it was Suave's fault. The one person that was responsible and trained to help them move on was the one person who dwelled on the incident.

Ms. Suave wanted to talk about the shooting. She had invited a variety of students. More like she had forced a bunch of the students to come. The only consolation was that every person could bring someone along for moral support if they wanted. Craig was going to be there for finding Jimmy. Paige was invited for being there for Hazel even if they weren't friends anymore. And Emma was taking him.

JT prayed that she wouldn't be forced to talk if she didn't want to. She always had more nightmares after her parents made her talk to them.

By this time they had made it to the school. After visiting their lockers, JT walked Emma to her first class and promised he'd meet up with her at lunch. He sighed as he continued on to his own. Today had the potential to allow them to finally get through to Emma. Unfortunately, it also had the potential to further the damage that had already been done, and have her pull away even more. Today was going to be a bad day.

------

School was out. As far as classes went, JT and Emma had a fairly good day. There was very little homework, especially for a Thursday. Unfortunately, they were on their way to Ms. Sauve's meeting after yet again visiting their lockers. It was being held in a classroom nearby. Emma was apprehensive. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to do this at all. JT was worried. He didn't want her to have to do this, and he was scared of what would happen when she did.

As they entered the room, they took notice of the other occupants. Toby was looking very uncomfortable and out of place next to Paige. Paige looked bored. Craig was having an involved conversation with Jimmy, who was happily ignoring Hazel's attempts to get his attention as he spoke with Craig. Hazel glared at them as they stepped further into the room. On her other side, Spinner somehow looked upset and guilty at the same time as he argued in hushed tones with Jay. Jay also seemed on edge. JT grimaced. This wasn't going to be fun. Not at all.

------------

Please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

Here it is. I fixed the no anonymous reviews thing. If I get enough response, I'll post more tomorrow.

------------

JT and Emma moved to take the seats nearest to the desk at the head of the circle of chairs. Before they were completely seated Ms. Suave swept into the room. She crossed the room swiftly and sat down at the desk on Emma's left.

Ms. Suave cleared her throat. "Well, I think everyone here knows each other. We'll start by having everyone share their knowledge and experience with Rick. Toby, if you'll start?"

JT listened as the others told their stories. Mostly of the teasing they now felt bad for, but Toby and Jimmy had different stories. Toby talked of being friends with Rick and what kind of person he was. Jimmy's tale started out like the others. It branched from there to include his attempt to make good on what he had done to Rick, and ended with the betrayal that left a bad taste in many people's mouths.

When Jimmy told his story, Emma had reached out for his hand. They were still clasped now. He waited apprehensively as Hazel finished her story not knowing that Paige and Craig were in the same boat. None of them had ever gotten Emma to talk about it. What if she didn't now? More importantly, what if she did?

"I didn't know Rick before he left. I'd heard of him, but I'd never met him," Emma began. "When he came back, I started the No Violence campaign. I didn't want him here. Then we had that TV show team. I actually got to know him a little and began to feel bad. I started to feel sorry for him. I started to be nicer to him because I felt partly to blame. When the prank happened, I went after him to try and comfort him. He tried to kiss me." Here Emma paused and gave a strangled kind of laugh. JT squeezed her hand in encouragement.

"I freaked out. First of all, I didn't even like him like that at all. I barely even considered him a true friend at this point. And second, all I could think of was what had happened before with Terri. What if he hadn't really changed? Would I be next? I couldn't handle that. So I yelled. I said...a lot of things I didn't mean and some things that while true shouldn't have been said. I didn't know he'd go get a gun. I was in the hallway with Toby when we heard the gun go off. I turned the corner and he was there with the gun. It was like everything had turned into slow motion." Emma took a second to breathe before continuing not knowing that she had everyone (except maybe Hazel) spellbound.

"I don't remember a lot after that. Just that Sean tried to talk him out of it and got between me and him. When that didn't work they fought. There was a shot and then blood. So much blood..." Emma stopped. Her eyes were haunted. They all knew she was back in the moment.

"Ahem...Okay, thank you. Next, I think we should begin talking about how we feel about it now that it is over. How about-" she was interrupted by a school secretary announcing she had a phone call. "I have to take this. Just relax for a few minutes. I'll be back in no time."

"Thank God. It's not like we even want to do this. I don't even know why I'm here," Jay said. Emma turned to him with fire in her eyes, but before she could say anything Hazel joined in.

"I know why some of us are here, but others are making mountains out of mole hills," she said, glaring at Emma. Paige glared back. This was exactly why their friendship ended. Hazel refused to acknowledge that Emma had gone through just as much as Jimmy.

"Suave is. I didn't even do anything," Jay confirmed his residence in denial.

This time Emma was prepared. "Didn't do anything? Do you know what it's like to have someone hate you so much they actively try to kill you? I do. Has someone ever pointed a gun at you? Have you ever seen your ex step in between you in a gun? I have. Have you ever seen someone's life blood pool around their cooling body? I have. Do you know what it's like to see the life flee somebody's eyes as they die? I do. Do you have any idea what it's like to not be able to find the will to eat? When everything tastes like ash? I do. Do you know what it's like when you die in your dreams only to wake up and be disappointed? I do." Emma's voice ended in a whisper as tears began to escape their confines.

"All of that is because you tricked a bullied boy into thinking there was one more betrayal to add to the list. All of that is because you had to pull an immature prank that you can't even claim responsibility for. All of that is because of you." She punctuated the end of her statements with a hard slap across Jay's cheek before turning to seek refuge in JT's arms. She was finally actually crying.

Hazel was still glaring at Emma and opened her mouth to most likely make a scathing comment. Jimmy beat her to the punch. "Haze, Emma has gone through things as bad as, if not worse than, I have. This isn't all about me. Yeah, I got shot. Yeah, it sucks, but Rick was gonna kill her too. Stop giving her a hard time."

"But Jimmy-"

"No, Hazel. She is in all likelihood the only one who knows what I feel like right now. I suggest you treat her with respect."

JT nodded at Jimmy who returned the gesture. Jay was still holding his reddened cheek as Paige and Craig looked worriedly at Emma and then at each other. As Emma's shivering and sniffling began to subside, JT allowed his lips to gently brush her hair in a further gesture of comfort.

------------

R&R


	4. Chapter 4

I had a little case of writer's block. Sorry.

------------

Miss Suave came back to a silent room. Emma's tears had stopped falling, and she was now sitting in her own chair, still holding onto JT's hand. Jay's cheek was no longer bright red, but if you looked you could faintly see Emma's hand print. Everyone seemed to have a troubled look on their face. Miss Suave returned to her seat and collected herself.

"Are you all okay?" Seeing their nods, she sighed. "Right. Well, it seems that the school board has decided to have me organize an event to help the students move on with theirs lives, to show unity and solidarity. Do any of you have ideas for me?" It seemed everyone had a suggestion. They ranged from a school olympics to a poetry contest. In fact, as they went on the ideas got weirder.

During a lull in the excitement JT spoke up. "What about a talent show? I know, I know. It's a little old school, but they're always fun. It'd be a variety of things." Suave looked thoughtful as he finished speaking.

"It would also allow everyone to participate since it isn't geared towards a specific arena. You'd have musicians, comedians, sports, dramatics, poetry, etc. A single group wouldn't be left out," Paige pointed out with a nod from Emma.

"That's a great idea! You're right about including everyone. Talent show it is. It's supposed to be two weeks from tomorrow. I'll post a sign-up sheet by Monday. Thanks you guys. I guess that's all we have time for today. I'll see you next Thursday, same time," Miss Suave said.

The students wasted no time with goodbyes. They gathered their stuff and left. Craig and Paige caught up to JT and Emma just outside the school. The day was still young and they had very little homework.

"Hey! You guys want to go to The Dot? We could grab a bite of something before we go home. Maybe even make plans for this weekend," Craig suggested. Paige nodded with a smile. JT looked at Emma in question. She nodded, too. "You sure?"

Emma smiled. "Heck yeah. Besides, I want to find out what we're all doing for the talent show." And so, they headed towards The Dot.

------

Emma walked the last few blocks home by herself. Her friends had grilled her on how she felt now that she had talked about "It." They didn't seem to believe her when she said that she was fine. Surprisingly, she felt better now that she had let it out. It was so painful to go through it all again, but it helped to know that her friends knew what had happened. She had even managed to eat an entire order of fries and a smoothie. In one sitting, she had eaten more than she had the previous day before her bedtime snack.

After the first fifteen minutes of grilling, the four of them had settled into joking about the talent show. JT didn't want to do it at all. Paige was going to show off some dance moves from the class she took twice a week. Of course, Craig was sure Downtown Sasquatch would want to play. Emma decided to sing. She wasn't great, but she was good enough to not humiliate herself in front of others. She wanted to surprise people with her voice though, and she thought she had some perfect song choices.

No. Emma wasn't quite okay, but she would be.

------------

R&R

Any song suggestions?


	5. Chapter 5

A new post. Woot! I kinda cheated and skipped ahead. I guess I'm just excited for the talent show. lol

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The sign-up sheet had been up for exactly one week. Emma sighed before putting her name down under the music column. She had given sheet music to Downtown Sasquatch to record the background music on Saturday. They were going to record it today. She would then practice hardcore until Friday.

Emma couldn't believe that time had gone so fast. Paige was rehearsing like mad, and quite frankly, Emma was worried she would work herself into exhaustion. Craig was trying to pretend like it wasn't a big deal, but anyone who knew him knew he was looking forward to it. JT just laughed at the three of them. Speaking of JT...

"Hey, Em! Oh, you signed up? This is exciting now. You never want to do these kind of things. What're you gonna sing?" JT babbled. Emma just smiled at his antics.

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise. I didn't even know for sure what I was going to sing until Friday night. Craig is supposed to get me my recording tomorrow, so I can rehearse crazy hard. You sure you aren't going to sign up for this? It'll be fun," Emma said, drawing out the last word.

"Nah. I'm not really into the whole exhibition thing anymore." JT slung his arm over Emma's shoulder's, ignoring the tingles it gave him. "Surely you can tell your oldest, bestest friend JT what song you're singing." Emma shook her head no. "Puh-leez! Don't make me beg." Emma shook her head again. "Fine! Humph!" JT began to pout.

"Aww...JT's pouting. That's something I haven't seen in awhile. Come to think of it, have I ever seen you pout before," Paige's voice came from behind them. She had her megawatt grin across her face.

"Probably not. The only person who can seem to put it on my face is Emma. I don't know if you've been around lately when she's wounded me so," JT joked, holding his hand over his heart in mock pain. "How can one so beautiful cause so much pain? Oh, cruel world." JT began to wail. Emma and Paige dissolved into giggles.

"Hey, guys. Woah! What'd you do to JT?" Craig joined their little gathering. Both Emma and Paige attempted to explain, but neither could spit it out. Craig rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. It was good to see Emma laughing. "JT?"

"It's nothing. Emma just wounded me terribly, and they found it funny. Sadists. So, you wouldn't happen to know what song Em's planning on performing on Friday? I'm just dying to find out. She won't tell me anything at all," JT said.

"Sorry, but I don't know. She only gave me the music without lyrics. It's familiar, but I can't place it." Emma smirked mischievously. JT caught her.

"You just thought of everything didn't you?" Emma gave him a Mona Lisa smile. "Uggghhh! What does that mean? I hate that look! What're you supposed to get from that?" JT asked, clearly frustrated.

"Uh...that she knows something, but she'll never tell?" Craig answered. Emma and Paige both nodded.

"JT, just give it up. You only have to wait a few more days before you'll know. It's not like she's going to tell anyone else either. She's the only person that knows what she's going to sing. Deal with it. Who's up for the library? I have some major studying to do," Paige inquired.

Craig nodded, but Emma grimaced. Clarifying after their questioning glances, "Can't. Snake has a doctor's appointment. I have to watch Jack. You guys could come over after you stop at the library. My mom won't care as long as we don't make a mess." The four made plans to meet up at Emma's around six before leaving the school. Emma hummed as she walked home. Today was a good day. Little did she know, that thought was the kiss of death on her good karma for the day.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

R&R, so I can post more soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Another new chapter. Wow. I'm just going with the flow here.

'blahblahwoofwoof'is thoughts

------------

When Emma got home Snake was already in the car. He didn't look too good. In fact, he was a decidedly odd shade of green. She went inside. Emma was barely in the door before Spike kissed her on the cheek while giving her a hurried goodbye. Less than thirty seconds later, it was only Emma and Jack left in the house. "Well, Jacky. You want to watch some TV?" Sighing, she settled her brother on the couch before switching to some cartoons. Jack's laughter followed her as she left to change into pajama pants and a tank top.

After she changed, she grabbed her bag and settled at the kitchen table to do her homework. She decided to tackle math first. By the time she was done, it was four thirty and Jack was asleep. She quickly finished up her chemistry worksheet before taking stock of the pantry. It looked like mac and cheese tonight. It was a little after five by the time Emma got the food to the table. She called Jack to eat. He did so very messily.

Smiling as she cleaned him up, Emma told him to go up to his room and pick out his PJs. She quickly put the dishes into the dishwasher, and wiped down the stove, table, and counter before hurrying upstairs. When she came into Jack's room, he held up Spiderman pajamas. Emma laughed and assisted him in getting dressed. It was only a few moments later that they trudged downstairs to the couch. Jack settled down to watch The Incredibles.

Emma returned to the kitchen to begin on her English essay. She was interrupted by the phone. Checking the clock as she answered it, Emma groaned. It was only a quarter to six! "Hello?"

"Emma. It's mom. Something went wrong with the chemo. Snake's in the ICU. I don't know what's going on except I won't be home tonight. Your grandma is going to come over tomorrow morning to watch Jack. I just called to let you know," Emma's mother's voice came onto the line. "Emma? Are you there? EM!"

"Yeah. I'm here. Just...Is he going to be alright? I mean...what's going on? How long will he have to-" Emma was interrupted.

"I don't know. I guess-I guess that it doesn't l-l-look too good r-right now. There were complications, Em. They think he m-m-m-might be dy...dying," Spike stuttered.

"Oh...umm...I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah. Love you, sweetie. Bye"

"Love you too, Mom. Bye." Emma dropped the phone. Her mind was blank. She was numb. Jack was still thoroughly engrossed in The Incredibles. Emma went behind the counter and collapsed on the floor. She reached into a cabinet to pull out a towel, but the door slammed on her arm. OW! Emma felt tears come to her eyes. She opened the door and let it loose. It slammed against her arm again. This time she felt a tear escape her eye. Again and again the door fell on her arm until she knew it would bruise. She was so focused on her task she didn't hear the door open. She didn't even realize she was crying.

JT opened Emma's front door. "Hello? Anybody here? Emma?" He passed Jack half-asleep on the couch. He heard a muffled banging in the kitchen, but couldn't see anything. He peeked behind the counter and saw Emma on the floor. "Emma! Stop!" He rushed over to her and pulled her away from the door. When she looked up at him, her eyes were so sad he froze for a moment. "What's up? What happened?"

"They think h-he's d-d-dying. There w-was a c-c-complication with his c-c-c-chemo. He's at the ICU with m-Mom right now. I won't even g-get to say goodbye," Emma's voice was soft. JT's heart broke right there.

"Oh, Emma." He pulled her into a hug. "Why the cabinet?"

"I was so numb. I just wanted to let it all out. To feel something. I'll probably hate how I did it in the morning, but I can't regret it. Just that few minutes made me feel so much better. I'm sorry."

"Don't. Just promise me that the next time you feel like that you'll come get me or call me or something. If you can't get me try Paige or Craig. Promise?" JT pressed the issue.

"I'll try. I'm not going to promise something I'm not entirely sure I can keep," Emma explained. JT sighed.

"Fine. I'll take what I can get. I just don't want to lose you, Em. I care about you a lot." 'More like love, but she doesn't want to know that.' They were interrupted by Paige and Craig calling for Emma from the front door. "We're in here," JT yelled. They stood up to greet their friends. She ignored their worried looks. "Why don't you go take your shower quick?" JT suggested. Emma accepted.

While she was gone, JT explained what he had stumbled upon when he arrived. Paige and Craig felt their hearts break as well. Life just didn't give Emma a rest. So much had happened to her, was still happening to her. Why did someone selfless like Emma have so many things working against her when someone so selfish like Manny seem to have things going for her?

They went to sit in the living room after they had finished talking and got sucked into the ending of the movie. Emma had come downstairs to find them all focused on the screen. She let out a smile. It was sort of endearing. She noticed that Jack had crawled into JT's lap. The two looked comfortable. 'Aww...I love JT. Not that he'll ever know. He goes for girls like Manny. Not me.' Emma's heart had stopped in her chest when he had told her he cared about her. 'I wish he would see me as more than a friend. I should just stop. He'll only ever see me as that. I'd rather be his friend than not exist to him. I can't imagine my life without him.' Emma smiled somewhat sadly as she settled next to JT and Jack to watch the movie. 'Well, you can't say my life is boring.'

------------

I have no idea if what I'm having happen to Snake is possible, but in this story, it is. R&R


End file.
